Men
mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women
mistakenly expect men to feel communicate and respond the way women do. We have
forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different.
When men and women are able to respect and
accept their difference then love has a chance to blossom. Through
understanding the hidden difference of the opposite sex, we can be more
successful in giving and receiving the love in our hearts.
Mr. fix it and the Home – improvement committee
The most frequently expressed complaint women
have about men is that men don’t listen, and also the most expressed complaint
men have about women is that women or all ways trying to change them. When a woman loves a man, she feels responsible to assist him in growing, she thinks
she’s nurturing him, while he /feels his being controlled.
These
problems can be solved by understanding why men offer solution, and why women
seek to improve, a man sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve
results, to offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know
what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
A woman’s sense of self is defined through
her feelings and the quality of her relationships, martins are more solution-oriented. if something is working, their motto is don’t change it, and “Don’t
fix it unless it broken”.
When a woman tries to improve a man, he
feels she is trying to fix him. He received a message that he is broken. Many times,
woman just want to share her feelings about her day, and her husband, thinking
he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her
problems.
When
a man resists a woman’s suggestion she feels as though he doesn’t care; she feels
her needs are not being respected.
Men Go to Their Cave and Women Talk
A man feels better by solving problems while a woman feels better by talking about problems.
How to motivate the opposite sex
Centuries before the Martians and Venusians
got together, they had been quite happy living in their separate worlds. Then
one day everything changes. The Martians and Venusians on their respective
planets suddenly became depressed. Its depression, however, motivated them to
come together.
When
a man is in love, he begins to care about another as much as himself. He has suddenly released from the binding chain of being motivated for himself alone
and becomes free to give to others, not for personal gain, but out of caring.
A woman’s tendency to be compulsive relaxes as
she remembers that she is worthy of love-she doesn’t have to earn it: she can
relax give less, and receive more. She deserves it.
Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are
afraid of giving.
Martians need love too
Just
as women are sensitive to feeling rejected when they don’t get the attention,
they need, man is sensitive to feeling that they have failed when a woman
talks about problems.
When Martians don’t talk
The
biggest challenge for a woman is correctly to interpret and support a man when he
isn’t talking. Women misinterpret a man’s silence, when a man is silent it is
easy for a woman to imagine the worst.
How to communicate support to a Martian
Many
women feel that the only way they can get what they need in a relationship is
to criticize a man when he makes mistakes and to offer unsolicited advice. The
answer is that she should definitely not offer criticism or advice unless he
asks.
Men Are Like Rubber Bands
When
a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get
closer.
Chasing
Behaviors
·
Physical
When he pulls away, she physically
follows him.
·
Emotional
When he pulls away, she emotional
follows him.
·
Mental
She may try to pull him back mentally
by asking him guilt–inducing questions.
Women Are Like Waves
When
she feels loved her self–esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. A man
assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When
she is happy he takes credit, but when she is unhappy he also feels responsible.
Discovering
Our Different Emotional Needs
Men
and women generally are unaware that they have different emotional needs. As a result,
they do not instinctively know how to support each other.
The
primary love needs of women and men
She
needs caring and he needs trust.
She
needs understanding and he needs acceptance.
She
needs Devotion and he needs admiration.
She
needs reassurance and he needs encouragement.
How to listen without getting angry
·
Remember
anger comes from not understanding her point of view.
·
Take
responsibility to understand.
·
Remember
that feelings don’t always make sense right away, but they’re still valid and
need empathy.
·
Remember
you don’t have to agree to understand.
How to avoid argument
Just
as communication is the most important element in a relationship argument can
be the most destructive element. Men are most prone to argue when they have
made a mistake or up-set the woman they love.
How
to ask for support and get it
When
asking a man for support assume that he doesn’t have to be convinced.
Common mistakes in asking
·
Be
direct
·
Be
brief
·
Use “would
you” or “will you “phase.
One
of the key elements to assertive asking is to remain silent after you have
asked for support
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